… that someone would ask my opinion of pornography.  A discussion in my online sociology class asked: 1. Many people are offended by pornography and many people believe in the right of free speech, access to entertainment and artistic expression. How do you feel about pressures to restrict, censor or end pornography? Defend your view.

After ranting a response almost 3 pages in length about the evil that is pornography, lol (I *may have been* slightly emotional when I wrote it) I think I narrowed it down to something that is firm and explains me with out getting to “personal”.

As a christian  I don’t believe pornography is acceptable in any form.  However in addition pornography has become increasingly “hard core” in the last few decades, its a far cry from the Playboy your Grandfather hid under his mattress during boot camp.

I firmly believe pornography creates problems in society that are bigger than one individuals right to view explicit material.  It is my goal in private practice to become a CSAT (certified sexual addiction counselor).  As part of my progress toward that goal I have been reading many of the required articles for certification, even though I am many years from my MSW.  One of the articles I read recently was The Anatomy of Arousal by Patrick Carnes.  As he points out, sexuality on the internet has done some societal good.  Placing forums online for people with similar tastes to gather and meet.  It has helped breakdown some of the stereotypes surrounding things such as homosexuality, healthy fetishes, and other differences in normal sexual behavior.

However the pornography industry has expanded at an alarming rate.  Many of the sites out there promote a normalization of behavior that is often illegal and at the very least exploitative.  It promotes erotic fantasies that are built on the vulnerability of women, anger, power, control, and often abuse.  Its ease and accessibility has lead to an increase in compulsive sexual behavior which can destroy a persons life in the same way as alcohol, cocaine, and other illegal drugs.

I believe in the strict censoring of explicit material, including pornography.  I would support an end to pornography, but I don’t see that being a viable option that is worth my time in pursuing, it would be futile.  I do not believe pornography to be an artistic expression.  I am a professional photographer and I have photographed nude/semi nude women (and sometimes men) quite often in my career.  I find the female body to be incredibly beautiful and, when displayed properly, quite artistic.  I do not post these pictures on my website because I understand that there are people out there who would use these images as objects of sexual arousal.  Pornography has desensitized our sexuality on a societal level.  For many men simple nudity is no longer enough.  Just as with cocaine or alcohol stimulates the brain, becomes ‘normal’, and then larger amounts are required to get the same high; masturbation to pornography releases chemicals and eventually harder-core material is required to achieve the same high.  Not all people who view pornography cross the line into illegal acts but people who develop compulsive pornography behaviors are much more likely to become sex offenders.

While some may argue that people who view pornography and those that produce it have rights that are protected under the first amendment that is their view.  However, I also have rights.  I have the right to object to the production of pornographic material.  I have the right to raise my children in a moral society.  I have the right to express my opinion and maintain my views.  As I believe pornography to be purely exploitative and of no benefit to society, I see no rights being violated by shutting the industry down.  I don’t want my daughters to develope a self-image that promotes promiscuity as a means of achieving a relationship, nor do I want my sons to believe that masculine self-image includes the “use” of women.  Pornography promotes negative gender-roles and children are becoming increasingly socialized to this kind of material and behavior at an alarmingly young age.

Patrick Carnes article and other CSAT material found here: http://sexhelpworkshops.com/SuggestedReadings.htm

*I do want to note, that this question was about pornography so my answer is directed in that area.  I could go on about the parenting mistakes, general lack of morals, and other factors as well, but that was not the question.

And I am nervous.  Strange sensation since I have been going to them regularly for about a year, and on and off for the last 5.  However, this one is different.

I am majoring in Addiction Studies, and one of my class assignments it to attend a substance abuse 12step and then write a response paper.  I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong.  Yes there are “open” meetings where non-addicts are allowed to attend, and that is when I will be going, but I still feel like I can’t.  I would be very guarded and off put if there were someone at a COSA meeting who didn’t belong and was just sitting in the back taking notes so they could write a report about us latter.  I feel like I am in someway violating the 12step process by attending a meeting where I don’t belong,  I am not comfortable being the person in the back I mentioned before.  A 12step group is a safe place for recovery, not a fish tank.

I thought I would be upset if anyone found out about his addiction that I didn’t tell. I thought I would feel trapped and judged, but I don’t. I’m ok with it. The circumstances are shady, but that is typical with this group of people. Yes his family, he has a problem and he is getting help. Our recovery has enhanced, strengthened, and improved our relationship with each other and with God in ways you could never imagine.

What is there to be ashamed of?

Nothing

I love this!

I am so sorry it has taken me literally months to bring this Experiment to a close, but here it is.  You can read more about the Great Interview Experiment here :: http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/2009/11/08/the-great-interview-experiment-returns/

I was interviewd by Allie from Incidents and Accidents.  You can find that interview here :: http://allielarkin.blogspot.com/2010/01/great-interview-experiment.html

I in turn interviewed Susan Antimony from http://susiebook.wordpress.com/.  And here are her answers.  Enjoy!

About Your Blog

What drew you into the blogosphere, and what do you hope blogging about Cricket will achieve?

I felt a need to write down my thoughts and look at them. I never thought that anyone would read it, so even my extremely modest readership feels like an embarrassment of riches. My long-term memory can be kind of spotty, so I also value having this record of my experience. Maybe I should just have kept a diary, but honestly, writing exclusively for myself is too uninspiring. I like feeling like part of a conversation

Why did you decide to blog under a ‘pen name’ (anonymously)?

I don’t want my family or Cricket’s moms to find me. I’m much more open than I would be if I had any of them in my audience.

About You:

Favorite Color and how does that color make you feel?

I don’t have one, which makes me feel . . . embarrassed. Not yellow or purple.

Do you prefer Movies or Books?  What is your favorite?

Books by a mile. I read constantly—on the bus, walking around town, in the bath—and while I’m a movie fan, there’s no comparison. I don’t really have a favorite book, but my two favorite movies are La fille sur le pont and 3 Iron; alas, these reveal a sentimental aspect to my personality that I fight to hide in real life.

For Fun

What would I find if I looked in your refrigerator right now?

Tofu, eggplant, soymilk, kefir, cheese, leftover pesto and gnocchi, grapes, and miso paste.

What is the most important part of a Subway Sandwich?

Not having to eat one myself. I don’t really like cold sandwiches.

I don’t want one. Not for a long time. Alex and I practice NFP and so far its working for us . I wouldn’t say I am completely sold on its effectiveness, but I am trying to be a more faithful person, and this is one of those things I am trusting to my faith. Regardless, when we are ready for kids we plan to adopt. To my knowledge there is no reason we couldn’t conceive children, but adoption is just something we have always planned. However I find myself having a soft spot for babies lately. I am obsessed with finding newborn baby models for my Photography and every now and then I just want to have one in my life. I wonder if maybe I am wrong? Our relationship is steady and stable right now and a 2 parent loving home is more than an alarming number of children could ever hope for. Should we begin looking into the adoption process? At 25? I am not sure I am sure what I want anymore. Everything else is different, all my other plans were de-railed. Maybe this one is supposed to change too?

If only life weren’t so complicated, wouldn’t that be nice?

While we are skirting the topic of sex, I want to say to my JWC sisters, its fine. Sex with an addict sucks, its emotionless and cold. Its unsatisfying and distant. Sex with a recovering addict is AMAZING! I never thought in a million years Alex would understand anything but the physical aspect of sex, but God was I wrong. Its totally worth the months of recovery and emotionally painful counseling.

I don’t know if I have mentioned on here, but I am in the process of writing a book. Just began in January so its not very far. Plus I don’t intend to finish/publish it until after I get my Master’s degree. Regardless I started writing the first chapter today, and well… to be honest… it sucks. I am the worst writer in the world. Its going to be a Looooooooong process, but I know this is something I have to do.

My husband Alex has always wanted to be in the military. For the most part the Marine Corp, but he has entertained other options over the last few years. Well in the process of training he hurt his back. Bye Bye military career, its not an option for him anymore. He is lucky he didn’t mess it up so bad that it prevented him from becoming a cop. (which his application is up for review again, so hopefully that is what he is doing by the end of the year).

Regardless, for the last few years I defined my self by my husband. I was doing my own thing too gut it always took a back seat to Alex and his ambitions. Of course being deep into his addiction he wasn’t focused and never had a chance of making anything happen, regardless I still planned my life around it. He wanted to join the military so I spent 4 years planning on being a military wife. I was hesitant at first, but the more he convinced me the military was the right choice for him, the more I came to love the life style. I was so excited about him joining the military, I couldn’t wait for all the adventure our life would have.

I am thankful he never went, that he never left for basic training and that we haven’t moved 8 times in the last 4 years. With the state of our relationship that would have been a disaster. And for now I am content. I am annoyed by the “he never joined the military because his wife is a controlling bitch who is afraid of being alone and won’t let him succeed” comments that I get from his family, but I know that’s just who they are and with out revealing to them Alex’s addiction and the struggles we have had over the few years, they are never going to understand. I would have to reconsider my relationship with Alex if they ever found out. There is no way they would see the situation with a clear head and I don’t think Alex and I could continue to recover with them in the way.

None the less, I spent 4 years of my life preparing to be a military wife, its a change to accept that something you planned on isn’t going to happen. For the most part I have accepted it. However, every now and then I see a friend who is dating a soldier, or etc… Sometimes I see someone drive down the road and an “I love my Marine” sticker is all it takes to stir up those feelings of sadness and failure inside me. Its stupid, I know, but every time I have to go through this mini grieving process. I have to grieve the life I lost, even if I never had it to begin with. It sucks.

Today I have been in total denial, craving that future again. Come on Monica, snap out of it!